This is just the best of what the comedy world has been tweeting about during the last week. Is it topical or relevant? Not really. Is it funny? Most definitely.

@JoeMande Just got a bottle of Mountain Dew made with real sugar. Because it’s important to me that nasty poison is made without corn syrup.

@pauldanke I never went on a proper spring break, so if anyone wants to flash me or just pour booze directly down my throat – NOW IS YOUR TIME TO SHINE

@michaelkosta Dear hotels, is there a ‘who can tuck the sheets in tighter’ competition going on that I don’t know about? JC, I almost pulled my hammy.

@julialillis You ever get so drunk you start speaking na’vi? Welcome to my world.

@KindlerAndy Been tweetifying for a week and it has not yet solved all of my problems. What gives?

@zeekatai Facebook’s subtly made us all stalkers, hasn’t it? It’s like, I don’t even remember locking you in my basement, yet there you are. Y’know.