This is just the best of what the comedy world has been tweeting about during the last week. Is it topical or relevant? Not really. Is it funny? Most definitely.

@KindlerAndy I like followers, but I prefer disciples.

@codenameduchess Are topless barber shops not a thing anymore? Because that really seemed like a home run to me.

@michaelianblack The more I eat at casino buffets the more I realize how much I love America.

@Jim_Hamilton I don’t miss smoking, but I do miss walking away mid-conversation to smoke.

@paulscheer I learned the hard way today that business casual is not wearing an exact replica of Princess Leia’s slave girl costume from Jedi.

@eddiepepitone bad career choices #2- 1) open a restaurant that only serves “jazz brunch”. 2) door to door dildo salesman. 3) be born in U.S.A. now.