This is just the best of what the comedy world has been tweeting about during the last week. Is it topical or relevant? Not really. Is it funny? Most definitely.

@michaelianblack I need to buy a Valentine’s Day present for my wife that says, “I love you but I don’t think we’re going to make it.”

@Mercedeslv That Valentine’s Day movie looks great…if you’re into movies where an issue of US Weekly throws up on the big screen.

@julieklausner Of all the things I hate about “Grey’s Anatomy,” the gurgling sounds are the worst.

@paulscheer Unsure if my Prius is recalled does anyone else have an issue where satan’s voice comes over the gps and screams “kill them all”

@steveagee Off to another pilot audition where I play an unemployed slob. I’ve been rehearsing for 40 years.

@robhuebel Oh crap! I forgot to watch any of the Winter Olympics! (meant to tweet that in 3 weeks)