This is just the best of what the comedy world has been tweeting about during the last week. Is it topical or relevant? Not really. Is it funny? Most definitely.

@DougBenson Gonna sleep through the in-flight movie, ALICE IN WONDERLAND, because even a nightmare would be more pleasurable. #douglovesmovies

@michaelianblack Suggestion to make soccer more popular in America: add face punching.

@ConanOBrien I’m in Washington DC tonight – both to do a show and to testify about my affair with a congressional page. Lucas, I’m so sorry.

@emilymayamills Snoop’s body language while performing California Girls with Katy Perry at the movie awards: “I don’t think we’re in Compton anymore, ToTo.”

@KindlerAndy Fight the power, or at least send an email to the complaint department.