This is just the best of what the comedy world has been tweeting about during the last week. Is it topical or relevant? Not really. Is it funny? Most definitely.

@BPGlobalPR BTW, Top Kill is also our xbox live handle if anyone wants to play some red dead redemption. #bpcares #rddallday

@ConanOBrien Today I got my 1,000,000th Twitter follower! I am now in the realm of Gods like Ashton, Bieber, Mariah, and updates on new Dell products.

@DougBenson If it’s just a spill why can’t we have the Bounty people clean it up? #becausetreesarepeopletoo

@azizansari Desmond is taking everyone to a Counting Crows concert! Sideways timeline must be in 90s. #FakeLostSpoilersforHarris

@michaelianblack My main thought during the Obama press conference: “He’s got a cool haircut.”

@AriShaffir I have 30 minutes think of a disease for my medical marijuana prescription renewal. My lupus is in regression?