This is just the best of what the comedy world has been tweeting about during the last week. Is it topical or relevant? Not really. Is it funny? Most definitely.

@AriShaffir Conan’s got a new show on a new network for his fans to not watch again

@thelovemaster Workin w my assistant & she’s sneezing every 20 secs. What is proper protocol for a “bless u” that covers the entire run of the sneeze fest?

@ChristFinnegan Any titillation derived from Ashley Dupre’s Playboy cover is mitigated by the other cover headline, “EROTIC FICTION BY ETHAN COEN”.

@EugeneMirman When I land in San Francisco, I hope either the real mayor or the mayor of the airport on @foursquare meets me.

@pauldanke I just hooked up a grip of heroin – where’s that sweet ass bridge Anthony Kiedis used to get fucked up at? sounds like a BLAST!